It
was another Christmas without a father in the house. Uncle Joe, our father’s
brother had been the one coming around to check on us. He brings us little
presents whenever he comes but fights with mama whenever he
leaves. I had tried to know why Uncle Joe and mama would raise their voices at
each other even though they were smiling at each other form the onset. Was papa
sending Uncle Joe with some unpleasant news to mama? Why was Uncle Joe making
mama unnecessarily unhappy and angry?
Before
Uncle Joe left, he gave mama money to get us our Christmas clothes. Mama made
me go on our knees to appreciate his kind gesture. Mama was fond of making me
appreciate kind gestures done to Celestine and I. her reason was that
as a woman in a home, the wife would always have the responsibility of making
up for the excesses of her husband. I never for once agreed with this point of
view. But I could not bring myself to disagree with mama or disobey her.
I
never ceased to wonder and ponder on the following questions: why should a type
of shirt be for me and not for my brother? Why should he get a toy car for
Christmas while I get a lame doll? Why should I get the joy of
making my hair and flaunting it while he cropped
his? Why should he get to play some games and I cannot? Why am I
a girl? Why should my mother emphasise that I need to be a virgin till I get
married and nothing of such is said to him? What makes me a girl and my
brother, a boy?
For
some reasons best known to mama, Uncle Joe stopped coming to our house to visit
us and we never got to see him since then. When we asked
Mama, her reason was that it was best that Uncle Joe stays away from us.
Celestine and I never got to understand until we became teenagers and got to
know that Uncle Joe was making advances at mama.
When it was time for Celestine and I to acquire tertiary education, Mama
called us to discuss some things with us. I cried endlessly at the end of the
discussion as there was nothing I could do to change the situation of things.
Mama told us that due to our financial level and the fact that the education of
a female was not recognized and tantamount to a waste of money, only Celestine
would go to the university. I love Mama, but she was just been unfair. Mama
promised to ensure that I got enrolled with Sister Peace, the Tailor.
I helped Celestine prepare for his examinations which he performed well
in. By then, I was becoming proficient in the art of sewing clothes. We were
both doing well, even though deep down inside of me, I yearned to be an
engineer but for the society.
After Celestine got admission to a university, we ran short of funds.
Mama decided that it would not be a bad idea to marry me off to one of the
young men who came to the village during the Christmas period. As usual, I had
no say on what happens to my future. After all, Nneka who is younger than I am
has been married with kids. I was eighteen years old.
Celestine decided to study nursing. Mama frowned at this and plainly
told him this. She refused to give him the proceeds from my erstwhile marriage.
She insisted that only females are nurses and would be degrading for our only
degraded family for him to study nursing. Celestine was forced by mama to study
medicine and surgery. This became the beginning of the end.
Celestine struggled to complete his third year of medicine and surgery.
He confided in me that he hates what he was studying and would love to do
otherwise. I could only offer words of encouragement to him as I owned nothing
and had nothing apart from what my husband gives me. Celestine became a shadow
of himself gradually and this made me worried. When I called mama's attention
to it, she brushed the matter aside with a wave of the hand. She insisted that
he was not being man enough.
By the second half of the fourth year of school, I received a call from
Celestine's school. By then, I had become heavy with child. I was led to where
I am standing with Mama crying down the hall. I flipped the white sheets off
the body. Celestine had committed suicide out of depression. He left a note
that he could not continue with the fear that he may not be the doctor that
mama and the society expect him to be. He could not hold on any much longer and
had sought solace in the hereafter.
I laughed hysterically at his corpse. I was too angry to cry. Celestine
committed suicide merely because of the pressure. He would have long committed
suicide if he lived the kind of life that was carved out for me by the set
unwritten rules of the society. He was only required to be a man. I was
required to give up my dreams and aspirations to be a good daughter, wife and
mother.
The society's unfairness in the treatment of the female folk produced an
Eva who is locked up in a dungeon unable to break through walls and boundaries.
An Eva left with nothing but a will to live is all that's left.
Mama remained heartbroken for a very long time. She refused to be
consoled. She often spoke of Celestine to whoever cared to listen, as her
deceased female son who stripped her bare in the market of mothers. Life
continued for me without much drama as I raise my kids just as my husband
wants.
©
Omotosho Oluwadamilola 2017
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Omotosho
Oluwadamilola is a 400 level student of the Faculty of Law, University of
Ibadan, who hails from Oyo State but grew up in Lagos State, Nigeria. A budding
writer and a passionate believer in social change and development, she loves to
put her thoughts to paper.
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